I'm fucking tiredd of living in this world. I've lost faith in everything which i cherish a lot. It's exhausting just being myself. Why should i bother entertaining others when me, myself ain't a bit happy at all? What's the point of treasuring a friendship which can just be discarded because of a relationship? Why must i explain myself so clearly when not a single piece of shit cares? I had enough of it. I don't feel like living anymore. How i wish a car will just bang me and end my fuckedd up life. Putting on a smile even when i'm not a single bit happy is torturing. Everytime i feel like crying, but i can't. There's no place where i can hide to cry my heart out. I can only force the tears back. Why must life get even more complicating as we grow? Can't it just remain simple? It's not as if i don't want to walk out of what i've been struggling for years, but everytime i tried to, things just got worse and i just fall back to the hole which i never managed to get out. But who understand? No one. I will keep to my deal. Or even longer than that. I just want a simple life. How difficult is that? I will not bother anyone, so leave me alone. How i wish my dad hadd brought me along with him..
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Have u ever imagine how our lives will be like when u just leave like that? Did u even know how others commented on us after you're gone? I know i shouldn't be blaming you for leaving us because you can't control it, but how i wish you are here when we needed you. In order not to let others look down on us, we had no other choices but to be strong. If you're still around, will life be better then? At least i know i will be happier, we will be happier. Maybe this is what i get because i don't have the courage to face the truth, i chose to concentrate on my studies than accompanying you. And i regretted that. I used this as an example of someone else's life and wrote a composition titled 'Chance' during secondary one, and i got the highest. The marks doesn't matter to me, it's the fact that i wanted another chance. Just another chance to accompany you because that will be the last chance i could have. How i wish i could erase my memory and forgets about the moment i see you having your last breath. It feels like the end of the world for me, i just feel like a zombie at that very moment. I wanted you back so badly, but i can't. I hate you, for leaving us behind. Yet, i missed you so badly that i wish you've brought me along.
I miss you, daddy. <3
21:39
